It's the season to be thankful. In order to get credit for being a "thankful person" I'm publicly posting my gratefulness here, and will continue to add things as I think of them throughout the week. These five are top-of-mind today:
I am thankful that my house is not haunted. After watching Paranormal Activity 3 and 4, as well as The Conjuring over the weekend, I think this is an appropriate thing to be thankful for. God, what a pain in the ass it must be to have 'haints in your house. And it's always poor people who can't afford to walk away from their house. Even though my house was built in 1921. Given that it's been around nearly a century, you'd think there'd be a few souls wandering around. But I don't get any weird feelings, have any strange dreams, or feel any strange cold spots. My dogs don't bark at weird things and they're not afraid of the basement. In fact, I can't keep the little shits out of the basement because they know that's where I keep the dog food. So I'm very lucky that my house is free of paranormal activity. but believe me, I don't care how much I still owe on my mortgage - I'd leave my house in a fucking heartbeat if I saw a door shut on its own.
Along similar lines, I am thankful that I live in a state where we don't have bugs or other creepy crawlies (e.g., flying cockroaches, giant spiders, snakes, scorpions). The show Infested! makes me feel very aware of how a person can become a prisoner in their own home if something else takes over. You think humans are tat the top of the food chain? Try telling that to the fucking BEES LIVING IN THE WALLS! Or the BATS LIVING IN THE WALLS. Or the SNAKES LIVING IN THE WALLS. I think below-zero weather is an ok trade-off for living cockroach-free.
I am thankful for having a job where I get to write and be creative and work with people I genuinely like to be around! I can't imagine how awful it would be to have to spend 8+ hours a day with people you couldn't stand. Don't get me wrong though. If I won the lottery I'd still leave in a second.
I am thankful for being healthy, though I'm far from the paragon of health. I should exercise more and eat less fried cheese ... I have terrible seasonal allergies ... I get migraines sometimes ... But all of these are manageable. They don't destroy my life. I've never had to deal with cancer or chronic pain and illness, like so many people I know. People who take much better care of themselves than I do. I feel guilty sometimes. Apparently not guilty enough to get my ass to the gym. But believe me, I know how lucky I am to have the petty problems I have.
I am thankful that I have satellite TV. Who are these people that don't have cable? Or worse - who don't even own a TV!? Why am I friends with people like you? Not owning a TV doesn't make you smarter - it means you're probably woefully out of touch with pop culture. There was a time when I was embarrassed to say that I watched "The Real Housewives of ..." No more apologies. Watching TV means I'm connected to the zeitgeist. Or maybe I AM the zeitgeist.
